Posts Tagged ‘microsoft’

Microsoft Buys Christmas

A Microsoft Christmas

Christmas Present
NORTH POLE (API) – MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa’s summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of households through the Santa Sleigh.

The announcement also included a notice that beginning Dec 20, 2009, Christmas and the Reindeer names would be copyrighted by Microsoft. This unprecedented move was facilitated by the recently acquired MS Court. Microsoft stated its commitment to “all who have made Christmas great,” and vowed to “make licensing of the Christmas and Reindeer names available to all.” It is believed that the guidelines for licensing these names, due before Halloween, will be very strict.

When asked “Why buy Christmas?” Bill Gates replied “Microsoft has been working on a more efficient delivery mechanism for all of our products for some time, but recognized that the Santa Sleigh has some immediate benefits. We’ll use it first for the next release of Windows 7.”

In a multimedia extravaganza, the attendees were shown a seemingly endless video stream of products that make up the deal. It ended with a green and red version of the Microsoft logo, and a new Christmas 98 trademark, leading into the announcement of the first product from the deal.

Vixen, the new Director of Holidays and Celebrations said, “The first step is to assimilate Christmas within the Microsoft Organization. This will take some time, so don’t expect any changes this year.” She continued, “our big plans are for next year, when we release Christmas 09. It will be bigger and better than last year.” She further elaborated that “Windows 7 users who sign up with MS Network will get sneak previews of Christmas[09] as early as November first.”

Christmas 98 is scheduled for release in December of 1998, though one unnamed source said that it is dangerously close to the end of the year and may slip into the first half of 2010. An economist at Goldman Sachs explained that a slip would be catastrophic to next year’s economy and the nation’s tax revenue, possibly requiring the IRS to move the deadline for filing income tax returns to three months after Christmas, whenever that was. “But it could be good in the long term,” he explained. “With Microsoft controlling Christmas, we may see it move to May or June, which are much slower months for retailers. This may serve to even out the economy over the year.”

When asked if other holidays are being considered, Mr. Gates explained that “Christmas is the flagship of holidays, so we wanted to start there. Not all holidays are available for sale, and the remaining will have to show a good long-term business,” suggesting that holidays with a short history may not be in the plans.

Though specific terms of the agreement were withheld, a Santa official confirmed that the deal was “sizeable, even for a man of Santa’s stature.”

Some analysts think that Santa has saturated the Holiday market, and is looking for a means to expand his business to year ’round products and services. Others contend that the Jolly Red Man is looking to retire in Redmond.

A spokesperson for the most famous Reindeer could not be reached for comment.

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Toilet Summit

The first ever “World Summit on Toilets” was held in Singapore in November toilet2001.


Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana.


Researchers have developed odourless socks. The sock fabric is made by attaching molecules that contain chlorine called halamines to textile fibers.


Alexandre Gustave Eiffel, the man who designed the Eiffel Tower, also designed the inner structure of the Statue of Liberty in New York Harbour.


In the 1985 Boise, Idaho mayoral election, there were four write-in votes for Mr. Potato Head.


MS-DOS was originally calle QDOS and was bought of the author by Microsoft for a small fee. The rest is history.


Marilyn Monroe had six toes.


The Roman emperor Commodus was at one time going to change the name of Rome to Colonia Commodiana.


The state of Alaska has almost twice as many caribou as people.


Another way to say “every 9 years” is Novennial.


In the spring of 1975, a baby in Detroit fell 14 stories and landed on Joseph Figlock, who was walking below. A few years later it happened again. Figlock and both babies survived.


Close to fifty percent of Internet shoppers spend over five hours a week online.


Los Angeles is the most polluted city in the USA.

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Bill Gates Frisbee

Ivory bar soap floating was a mistake. They had been mixing the soap formula causing excess air bubbles that made it float. Customers wrote and told how much they loved that it floated, and it has floated ever since.


Hippos drink as much as 250 litres of water in any given 24 hour period.


A caterpillar grows roughly 27,000 times its size when it first emerges as an egg.


The average number of pillowcases washed a day at the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas is 15,000.


If a raisin is dropped into a glass of champagne it will bounce up and down in the glass.


Finnish folklore states that when Santa comes to Finland to deliver gifts, he leaves his sleigh behind and rides on a goat named Ukko instead.


Seventy-one percent of households report they have at least one snorer. Forty-five percent of those surveyed admit they snore, 35% said their partner snores, 12% said their child snores and 9% reported their pet snores.


While still in college, Bill Gates and Paul Allen once built a special purpose frisbeemachine called “Traff-O-Data.” It was a machine that would analyze information gathered by traffic monitors. They never found any buyers.


Frisbee got its name from William Russel Frisbee, who was a pie baker. He used to sell his pies in a thin tin pan, which had Frisbee written on it. When Walter Frederick Morrison thought of the idea of making saucer like disks to play catch, he visited the campus of Yale and noticed people there were using the pie pan to play catch so he therefore renamed his invention to Frisbee.

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Is Bill Gates Evil

The real name of “the” Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III. Nowadays he is known as Bill Gates (III). By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-values and adding his (III), you get the following:

B       66                                                                                    computer blue

I       73

L       76

L       76

G       71

A       65

T       84

E       69

S       83

I        1

I        1

I        1

————–

666 !!!
Some might ask, “How did Bill Gates get so powerful?” Coincidence? Or just the beginning of mankind’s ultimate and total enslavement???

Before you decide, consider the following:

M  S  -  D  O  S     6  .  3  1

77+83+45+68+79+83+32+54+46+50+49 = 666

W  I  N  D  O  W  S  9  5

87+73+78+68+79+87+83+57+53+1 = 666

Coincidence? You decide..

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Barbie With Squid Eyes

    1. The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world. pig
    2. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
    3. 315 entries in Webster’s 1996 dictionary were misspelled
    4. The “save” icon in Microsoft Office programs shows a floppy disk with the shutter on backwards.
    5. India has a Bill of Rights for cows.
    6. There are 318,979,564,000 possible combinations of the first four moves in Chess.
    7. If you put a drop of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death
    8. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
    9. In every episode of “Seinfeld” there is a Superman picture or reference somewhere.
    10. If Barbie were life-size her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human’s neck.
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